A Former Call Girl

Don't read this, it's boring.

2005-09-05T22:31:00.000-07:00

I'm raging on hormones right now, and I'm not sure why. I'm eating like a pregnant woman, although I know I can't be pregnant because I'm perioding.
Today I have consumed two popsicles, an apple, string cheese, a can of chili, half a cup of cottage cheese, a cherry-spiked fruit cup, an apple pie topped with cheddar cheese, air-popped popcorn sprinkled with Butter Buds that simply shifted to the bottom of the bowl, and a weird salad. I just made this salad and ate it; it was oddly delicious. The salad was what made me think of pregnant women, because it was made of lettuce, "sweet and spicy" tuna, blue cheese dressing, paprika, and gorgonzola cheese. It looks less weird in print than I thought it would. It was very strange to make.
I've also smoked 10 cigarettes, menthols, much more than I normally smoke in one day.
I had a weird weekend. I'm not seeing any clients yet. They keep calling, wanting to know when I will see them. It's the same set of 5 guys who just keep calling. I've assigned them a special ringtone so that I know it is one of them calling. I groan inwardly when they call, because I know I will have to answer a call eventually, and when I do, I will not have anything to say. The truth about why I am not seeing clients yet is slightly embarrassing; I might post about it later, I might not.
Sorry for such a boring post.
One client called me to remind me to send him pictures. He claims he's forgotten what I look like. I told him Monday that I would send pictures; by Friday, he wanted to know wtf happened. I told him I forgot, and apologized. I farted around on my gmail account for a little bit before I sent the pictures half an hour later, at which time he called and wanted to know about the pictures. I told him I'd just hit send on them. Later that afternoon, he called and asked if I got his email back. I said I hadn't; we flirted for a bit. I was consumed with heating up some of these weird spicy Korean noodles one of my friends had stolen from a random apartment and didn't get around to checking his email until I got off the phone with him. He enclosed a link to a picture... a HOT young virile picture of him in a tuxedo at a wedding.
We will see what happens. I'm anxious to see this guy now. His voice sounds deeper than his photo shows, and he not only says things like "you look real good" but also types them in an email, so I know he's young, wants to be thought of as a thug but can't be a thug because he dresses like a fratboy except with baggier pants, and probably listens to bad rap music.
I always assume random things about clients based on little clues like this, and it's always better than I think, so we will see.
He's mentioned repeatedly that he likes to kiss, but he's also mentioned in his email something about "oral to perfection," which triggered something in my subconscious, but I can't put my finger on why that sounds so off.

Summer Update

2005-08-24T14:22:00.000-07:00

Hello!
School has started and I am back in town. Websense no longer blocks my website (they labeled it "tasteless," assholes) and I can now read all the comments from this summer.
I haven't seen any clients yet, but I may start within the week.
I'm scouting out an incall location, but don't really want to pay any money for it, so we'll see how that goes. I spent all my money from this summer on books, my real apartment's security deposit and rent, and new-apartment supplies. I'm living by myself this year! It's exciting but also lonely. I've never lived alone before. I have no television, I can't afford a car, and my internet is not set up yet, so those things might contribute to my feeling of aloneness. On the other hand, it is very nice to not deal with anyone else's stuff.

I am subsisting on tomato products until I can get out to get groceries. V8 for breakfast, tomato soup for lunch, and pasta for dinner. Last night I went to a Christian barbecue and got free food, so that was nice. I think I will try another Christian barbecue tonight before I try my free yoga classes. Everything is free right now on campus as they try to get new students hooked.

I am panicking because it looks like I will not be able to graduate this year. However, I might be able to convince the college to let me into a master's program while I finish the one class, offered every other year, that will allow me to receive my bachelor's.

It was my birthday recently and I am now at the very mature, responsible age of 22 years old!!! Frightening! At least I could still claim to be a kid when I was 21. Now I have to be very mature. My mother helped me move in and made me throw away all my beer paraphernalia. "You're not a kid anymore, you're an adult! Get rid of this crap! No more posters and beer pitchers! From now on, it's framed photographs, window valances, and bed skirts for your apartment!!"
I nearly cried. She threw everything away! Oh well.

Also

2005-05-06T00:56:00.000-07:00

In case you don't read comments, this comment is quite accurate in my experience:

oldhoops said...
so if your going to be in the south this summer, how do i get in contact with you....wait....I just read what "Anonymous" said...He's right WE ARE ALL PATHETIC!!!
Anyway...a very wise man once said "you don't pay for the sex...you pay for them to leave" Any guy that I know who has ever used a pro's services, do so not out of neccesity, but for the exciting experience or because the rest of the women they are dating/screwing/seeing all want something from them...i.e. longterm relationship, more time/attention.
3:48 PM

Not all that pathetic

2005-05-06T00:19:00.000-07:00

Anonymous said...
Why do men call you at all? Are your clients all completely hopeless losers? Even as depressing as casual sex is, at least it's between two people who desire each other. Paying for it is pathetic.
2:52 PM

Not really. I've seen more hot men than I ever expected to see doing this. The guy I saw on Tuesday I probably might have picked up in a bar. He was a former frat boy who was in town on business selling agricultural products or something and put the hotel room on expenses. A lot of them are like that, about half are guys who travel for business and stop in town to see me in the afternoon. I saw an extremely horny guy who was younger than me a couple Sundays ago; he'd tried to pick up girls in the bars over the weekend unsuccessfully (probably because girls are turned off by a sense of desperation in a guy who really wants to get laid) and was so horny that he couldn't concentrate on studying. I'm typing this in the library. Amusingly, he is sitting at a nearby table. He didn't say hi, but he might not have recognized me with my hair up, glasses on, and no makeup.

Paying for it isn't really all that pathetic. There are lots of reasons guys might pay for sex. It's easier and sometimes even cheaper. You don't have to take me out to dinner and pay lots of attention to me and go on a bunch of dates before we have sex.. unless you want to and just don't want relationship demands or emotional baggage. You get horny, make an appointment, and fuck. That's all there is to it. You don't have to try to pick me up in a bar and impress me or buy me drinks.

Some guys email me, "Hey what's up gurl I don't pay for sex LOL but let's meet up anyway and have some fun LOL I am really good in bed and i am horny all the time and need some satisfaction and I will show you a good time LOL but I don't pay for sex LOL so will you have sex with me? i am so horny and want to have sex but cant LOL okay bye"
If you don't pay for sex and it's so easy for you to get laid then go get laid!! And stop bothering me to get me to sleep with you for free! Asshole! Ugh. Although.. I did sleep with one student for free because he was hot. I gave him mono. OOPS! I met up with him on a Wednesday and then didn't figure out I had mono until Friday. I had huge goiters on my neck and didn't know what they were. I was then out of work for over a month.

A lot of guys are married and a) like variety, or b) their wives can't or won't have sex with them as often as they'd like. Women don't have the option of seeing a male escort because they either don't tend to realize that it's an option or they have a certain taste in men that they believe isn't the male escort "type" and instead they choose to have an affair.

Women have a more defined standard of beauty and (IMHO) can easily fake it, whereas men can really vary and don't have the option of wearing "very sexy" makeup and clothing.
I say this because guys will always tell me that they think one or another of my friends is hot and I don't think she's pretty at all; she just goes tanning a lot, bleaches her hair, wears a lot of makeup, and dresses like a sorority girl. If Paris Hilton didn't have bleached hair or really tan skin, dressed like a normal person, and hadn't had her nose fixed, I don't believe she would be considered as hot as she is now.

Anyway, I guess the point that I'm trying to make is that guys who see me are sometimes "losers" I'd never date, but sometimes they aren't at all. I saw a therapist with a hot body a couple weeks ago; he had a long-term girlfriend and was satisfied with their emotional relationship but not with their sexual relationship for an unknown reason. I try not to explicitly ask why clients see me (although I might edge toward the topic); I don't want to push them into an embarrassing answer or make them feel uncomfortable by revealing part of their personal self.

I gotta go, though. Quantum physics awaits. The professor told me (she has a Chinese accent), "You gonna fail! You not prepared for this exam! I don't know how to grade you when you've missed so much [from being sick in February]! Your homework grade is terrible. The test will be haaaard. You know, the test will be very haaaard. I don't think you will pass! I think you gonna fail. Go to dean and ask to withdraw." THANKS FOR THE EGO BOOST, PROFESSOR.

Incoherent email

2005-05-03T08:13:00.000-07:00

I know, three posts in one day, what a doozie for me!
I'd ignored this email before, but I thought I'd post it. It's completely ridiculous. I can't even read it. The scary thing is that he IMs me and still talks this way. He went on for like 10 minutes before I figured out a tactful way to suggest to him that his writing was illegible. He claimed he was new to the internet and didn't know much about grammar, having spent most his life doing manual labor. Hm.
I am certain he does not possess the capability to find this website and am half tempted to post his photograph, but I suppose I will refrain.

Hello Caroline.
Hey I am a interested costomer how can i get the conections to talk to you about your new client list . or can you send a e-mail to give me the right way to applie for some companionship I am knew to [town 30 minutes away] and don't like the dating sene to much .Ineed to know the ins on the escort biz. I think I mite need a regularplace like this money is no issue so if you want to check me out PLEASE send me instuctions how to applie or we can talk on the phone. I just want to get along here and this I think is the right direction.
THANK very much disregard if I am out of line by sending this e-mail HAVE A GOOD NITE HOPEFULY WE CAN WORK SOMETHING OUT. Tom

Lick my pussy!

2005-05-01T19:06:00.000-07:00

Last night I invited a boy over. I was extremely drunk, having just got home from an outdoor frat party with my roommate and her boyfriend, and started chatting on IM.

Here's one conversation I had:
crow: wtf are you still doing home?
me: i ams furnk
me: i am s rinsk
crow: what the hell are you typing about?
me: i a m srhil
me: i am sduirk
crow: drunk
me: i am dhrink
me: i am dirnk
crow: is that what you mean?
crow: yeah
me: damntois i cant tyle
crow: i assume drunk
me: ues
me: i am sdurnk

I didn't have sheets on my bed and didn't want to sleep there, so I told this boy to come pick me up so we could make out over at his place. He picked me up in a flashy blue mustang and drove me to his place as I lit up a cigarette. We got to the parking lot near his place (two blocks away from mine), but his roommate was awake and he said his room was probably as messy as mine was anyway. Instead we drove the two blocks back to my place, cleared all the papers and books off my bed and tried to find sheets in the pile of clean laundry hovering in my closet-sized room.
He asked if I had any pot and I supplied the one bud I had left. I was too drunk to remember that I have a drug test on the 23rd! Crap. I'm not a heavy smoker so I hope it will be out of my system by then. I accepted a government job for the summer and have to take a urine test. It would be very very bad if I failed.
At any rate, we smoked some pot, he cashed it out annoyingly on my computer, and we got to fooling around.

He laid back on the bed and I pounced, flinging a leg over his hip and straddling him as my hands reached up his torso. I whispered in his ear, "I have a problem.. I don't have any condoms." He breathed back, "It's okay, I have some."
I kissed him, running my hands down his front to his jeans, unbuttoning them, and sliding them off. He reached for my shirt as I raised my arms over my head and tossed it off, revealing my black bra underneath. He took his shirt off, revealing a pale muscular torso with brawny biceps that curled in the moonlight.
I kissed down his torso, swirling each of his nipples in my mouth, kissing down to his boxer shorts and pulling them off.
His cock sprang free and he laid back as I licked up his cock, lubricating all the sides before caressing it with my hand. I took one of his balls into my mouth, then licked the other as my hand pumped up and down his cock. I licked up the shaft again, swirling my tongue around his head, then sliding his entire penis into my mouth until my lips touched the base. I continued until we switched positions, where he was kneeling and I was laying down, still licking up and down his cock and moaning the whole time. I pulled away and moved into a different position as he reached into the pocket of one of his jeans. I knew he was looking for a condom, but I wasn't wet enough yet, so I laid back and pressed my knees together, feet spread, and asked him to go down on me. I spread my knees and started playing with my clit. He refused, put a condom on, and pushed toward my pussy. I put a hand over my pussy and asked him once more, "Go down on me!" He refused a second time! Bastard! I asked why not, he just said he'd never done it and didn't want to try.

I immediately kicked him out of my apartment.

Beat it, ugly!

2005-04-26T20:30:00.000-07:00

This guy is super-fucking-annoying. He used to IM me daily until I stopped answering him. I mostly stopped answering him because I found out he wasn't interested in becoming a client of mine.

Conversation today:

tvfilmactor : i still think u r amazingly pretty
caroline : thank you

I hate that so much! It angers me. Why can't he just type out "you are" instead of "u r" ?

tvfilmactor : let me know when u want 2 b treated right
caroline : by you, you mean
tvfilmactor : yes mam qt
caroline : as a client?
tvfilmactor : u know i cant do that. i wud take u out as a beautiful girl

All these guys have this idea in their heads that they ought to be with a beautiful girl and that they do not need to be beautiful themselves.

caroline : i see. i can't remember what you look like. are you good looking?
tvfilmactor : sure. goto (actorwebsite).com, thats me
tvfilmactor : do i meet yur standards
caroline : i found the black and white picture of you

(How do I tell someone they're too ugly for me to want to date?)

caroline : well.. quite honestly, you're not quite as young or as goodlooking as the majority of the guys i know..
tvfilmactor : is that a bad thing
caroline : yeah
caroline : would you want to date me if you didn't think i was pretty?
tvfilmactor : does it meet yur standards
caroline : no
tvfilmactor : i dont honestly try 2 compete. i know i got plenty going 4 ne
caroline : good for you.. i'm just looking for a more beautiful man. beat it!

I wanted to say, "Beat it, ugly!" but that seemed too cruel.
I didn't want to lie and tell him that he wasn't ugly but that I
just wasn't attracted to him. That's what I say to people I don't want to date because they're too ugly, "You're fine, I'm just not attracted to you." It's that upbringing that tells girls they're not supposed to hurt someone's feelings, especially not men's.
I tried to think what a guy would say to a girl if the situation were reversed, if an ugly girl were trying to court a good-looking guy, and I couldn't picture it.
Sad day for the ugly man!

I got wet writing this

2005-04-25T04:09:00.000-07:00

I saw three clients last week. All were outstanding.
The first was a regular. He liked anal and lots of it. I like anal and lots of it. I visited him at his hotel room; this was the client from earlier who I was annoyed at for not meeting me somewhere more public. It was all very nice, generally.. except he did a few things that made me cock my head to the side and scrunch up my eyebrows.
I was naked except for a black corset that pushed up my boobs. I'd purchased it the day before at Victoria's Secret. I got measured and found that I'd moved from a 34B to a 36D! I mean, I am about 10 pounds heavier than I was a year ago, but it was such a dramatic change in my breast size! I can't figure out what happened. My 34B's still fit me fine, but then, so do the 36D's I bought. Weird.
We were kissing and touching, then I moved to my back as he moved on top of me. I sensed his penis was near, so I covered up my clit with one hand as I pushed his penis away with the other and started rubbing it. I asked, "Should I get a condom?" He said yes, but then continued to push towards the vagina. I pushed him off me and went to find a condom.
Later, he asked if I would allow him to cum in my mouth. I told him it was fine as long as I could spit it out and he didn't mind me rinsing my mouth thoroughly, that as long as that didn't turn him off, it was fine.
He asked me what kind of porn I liked to watch and I told him I enjoyed group scenes. He asked me if I'd ever had group sex, I truthfully answered "no" and said that not having had group sex might be the reason I watch so much group sex. He asked if I objected to him bringing someone else, and I said no as long as he understood the rate was increased. All this was happening while we were having anal sex. It was kind of strange.
At the end of the date, he told me that he asks questions like that as kind of a "test" to see how far a girl would go, as sort of a barometer for the type of girl she is. I found that kind of off-putting.
He also wanted a discount. I told him no.

The second was a new client who'd emailed me and mentioned that he had references from two other women in town. I see clients whether or not they have references, but I liked that he had seen other girls. We met at a restaurant by the interstate called "Freedom." The restaurant had an empty parking lot and a weathered sign; I would have missed it had I not been looking for it, and in fact, I did miss it. I had to stop at a store near where it was supposed to be to ask directions. We went inside the restaurant to talk and as soon as we sat down, an old woman came in and sat down in the booth right behind us. The entire restaurant was empty and she had to sit down near us.
So I ordered a soup, he ordered ice cream, and as soon as we placed the order, another woman came in. The waitress knew her by name and the woman went to sit in the smoking section. My client looked visibly uncomfortable and whispered to me that the woman who just came in was his ex-wife's mother. Of all places he has to choose from, he picks a restaurant his ex-mother-in-law is a regular at!
Other than that, the date was FANTASTIC. We fucked in his office where he is self-employed as a therapist. He had a hard, tan body, he kissed like a movie star, and he made me cum twice! I felt almost fat compared to this guy. He had a hard, ripped, muscular body that I would have happily licked all day long.

The last was another great date with a guy from out of town. I found him very interesting because he got a Ph.D. in the field I am currently majoring in and was in town to do some work for the University's Computer Engineering department.
It was pouring down rain. I took a taxi out to the hotel where he got inside and we went to a local sports bar to have a drink and talk. I liked that we shared similar interests, but I didn't like that the bar was populated by college students and the guy I was with was balding and had a ponytail. The ponytail didn't exactly turn me on. We only stayed for one drink since he'd told the taxi to wait for us.
At the hotel, I stripped down to that same black corset I wore on the first date mentioned above, coupled with a pair of black fishnet thigh highs. I straddled his lap, curled my arms around his back, and began to kiss him. He pulled away and started dirty talking, "What turns you on? What makes you realllly wet? Tell me what you really like! I bet you're a dirty girl! What dirty things turn you on?"
And to this I didn't really have an answer. I don't really have any fetishes and I don't really have an opinion on kinks. I pretty much like straightforward vanilla fucking, except for the whole hooker fantasy, which was already being fulfilled.
I don't really do a lot of dirty talk, either, but he loved the dirty talk. He did nothing but talk dirty to me, which was fine, but I felt obligated to say things like "oh yeah I love the way your cock feels in my pussy, fuck me hard, oh yeah!" which I feel are more of a distraction than anything. I like concentrating on the sensations.
At any rate, I came only once, despite the wonderful feel of his cock in my pussy (oh yeah!) and we spent the remaining time with him laying down and me tracing the curves of his body lightly with my fingernails.
I traced up his belly button, past his nipple, over to his armpit, and down his side in the way that makes me shiver. I traced from his asshole, up the taint, up the ridge of his cock, over to that place in the hipbone that makes me sigh.
Men always tell me I'm very good at sucking cock, and regardless of whether or not that is a line to make me happy, like how I always tell men how their cock is large, I don't see how it can be all that hard. I just imagine someone is sucking my clit and feel how I would want them to lick my clit and it turns me on to suck a man's cock the way I would want to be sucked, licking up and down that line on the shaft, swirling around that delicious-feeling head, lots of saliva, big broad tongue, moaning through the motion, and a slow pumping action that flows with the feel of our blood pulsing through our bodies which steadily grows faster as we both get excited.

I love sex. I'm a horndog. I love that my job gives me so much pleasure.

Game over

2005-04-24T16:49:00.000-07:00

We've been breaking up for longer than we've been dating. But I think it's finally over. We met in November, broke up right before Christmas, got back together in mid-January, broke up in late January, got back together before Valentine's Day, and it goes on. I was always the one to break with him, but only because of things he did. He would promise to come visit and then get drunk with his Mexican co-workers who buy him tequila and beer. He would promise to come visit and then not come and I would find out from his mother that he went back to school to go to a fraternity function. Then I would get a text that he's fallen for another girl who is perfect and later that night would text, "I'm horny!" Things like that, bullshit things that shouldn't have happened. We would break up over things like that and I would grow weak. I'm a sucker for cuddling with him, I really am. It's my weak spot, the cuddling, and he knows it. But it's finally over. I've said that before, but I secretly didn't want it all to end. I'm finally done.

The last 10 texts I've received:
you suck! 2:18pm 4/21
cause i was gonna come c u...but you shot that down 2:32pm 4/21
still dont want me 2 come back sunday? 3:43pm 4/22
youre loss! 9:27pm 4/22
you sure you dont want me 2 come sunday? 2:07am 4/23
pretty please...we dont have to have sex...we can just make out and cuddle and ill go down on you! 2:17am 4/23
and dont go 2 work in georgia! 2:24am 4/23
im ready 2 be nice! 2:35am 4/23
please 2:58am 4/23
whats the verdict? 10:07pm 4/23

I replied, "No."

A bad vibe

2005-04-19T01:43:00.000-07:00

This kind of gave me a weird vibe. I started out a bit cheeky and goofy, but his temperament was not typical of a young college student. It felt weird. I don't know what I think of this. I probably won't go through with it, something tells me not to.
I posted most of the conversation in full; it might be a lot of reading but I didn't know what to cut out of it. He talks very strangely. Weird.

QuickFiveHundred: are you an escort?
Me: yes
Me: how did you get my screenname?
QuickFiveHundred: [escort website]
Me: ok
Me: i'm resisting the impulse to say "here's your sign"
Me: if you know what i mean
QuickFiveHundred: youre a funny one
Me: well..
Me: why else would i be on [escort website]?
QuickFiveHundred: you dont make money with your jokes now do you?
Me: eh
QuickFiveHundred: im just messing with you
QuickFiveHundred: im curious as to why you chose your current profession
Me: same reason i eat babies
Me: for fun and profit!
(ridiculous but irrelevant interlude ensues)

QuickFiveHundred: i am not approaching you with the intention of using your services myself though
Me: are you a graduate student implanting nodes on people's brains?
Me: and writing your thesis on random people you meet on the internet?
Me: or are you a journalist looking for the hooker with a heart of gold?
Me: or are you the pigs running a sting in their vice squad?
QuickFiveHundred: im a student at community college for that matter
Me: or just a lonely guy, wasting away in your room, playing WoW and chatting with escorts because you've downloaded all the possible porn you can and need to get off somehow?
Me: student at the community college, i see
Me: did you grow up in town?
QuickFiveHundred: no, im not lonely.
QuickFiveHundred: yes i did
QuickFiveHundred: is your fantastic wit included in your business services, or am i being treated to it for free?
Me: i can picture it now, poor kid worked nights to support his family and got D's in school, forced to attend community college with high hopes of transferring, if only his baby mama will get off his back
Me: you think my wit is fantastic?
Me: that's awesome
QuickFiveHundred: nothing less
QuickFiveHundred: maybe youre just drunk
Me: what if i am?
Me: what if i'm not?
Me: how do you have any way of knowing?
QuickFiveHundred: very profound
Me: whether i am just a crazy student amped on knowledge who stays up lates pondering the beauty of the equation of energy equalling fast mass
Me: or if i am a drunk whore who went down to the closest shady bar to escape the misery of her life, the boyfriend who cheats on her, her parents who have shunned her, and is now forced to chug 16 ozs of beer in order to impress townies?
Me: or if i am a drunk sorority girl with a wild imagination who would like to be a writer but doesn't see any use for it and instead must find outlets in other places?
Me: or if i am completely sober, have had an entire six pack of Water Joe, eight s'mores made with a bunsen burner, and am answering questions on schrodinger on the internet while talking to someone random who is not going to pay me and who doesn't realize this conversation is all being recorded and sent to others for amusement?
Me: HOW WILL YOU EVER KNOW
QuickFiveHundred: i hate to interrupt you miss caroline, for you are extremely entertaining. i would certainly enjoy conversing with you further, however, i do have an offer to extend to you if you are at all interested
Me: interesting
Me: i am curious what this offer entails
QuickFiveHundred: tell me about your typical weekly schedule
Me: why?
QuickFiveHundred: being a (..) student is no doubt very stressful
Me: well, i wake up at about 4pm, consume two large pizzas topped with marshmallows, then sit in front of the tv wondering what the hell i am going to do with a science degree, and then i start my homework at about 2 am until i collapse in the piles of dirty clothing that tower in my room scattered with dirty bowls
Me: what is your week like?
QuickFiveHundred: there is one week next month during which i would like to secure your services, perhaps for 3 nights at most
QuickFiveHundred: try to focus here
Me: i thought you said you were not interested
Me: and instead were just chatting for reasons that were never disclosed
QuickFiveHundred: not for myself, but for a client
Me: is he hot?
QuickFiveHundred: i am to arrange for his companionship, while he is in town
QuickFiveHundred: i doubt that you screen your potential clients based on appearances
Me: you doubt?
QuickFiveHundred: very much so
Me: interesting
Me: you would be wrong
Me: physical chemistry is important
QuickFiveHundred: so you enjoy your job in itself, and not just for the money
Me: correct
Me: i screen
QuickFiveHundred: as far as i am aware, you are the youngest escort in the area
Me: that's why i have the luxury
QuickFiveHundred: i can assure you that your time will be exceedingly compensated
Me: interesting
Me: details
QuickFiveHundred: but
QuickFiveHundred: i have a task at hand, rather pressing
QuickFiveHundred: if you would not be interested yourself, any help you can extend would be appreciated
QuickFiveHundred: i am far from familiar with this type of scene
QuickFiveHundred: i realize that you are not the typical escort, and this is all the better for the position
QuickFiveHundred: just tell me what accomodations you should require for such an arrangement and i will see to them myself
Me: what?
Me: give it to me straight
QuickFiveHundred: what would you like to know
Me: what arrangement
QuickFiveHundred: three nights during one week, next month
QuickFiveHundred: maybe a few hours
Me: three full overnights?
QuickFiveHundred: i cant be certain
QuickFiveHundred: i would imagine a night on the town if you would be willing
QuickFiveHundred: nothing spectacular
Me: well i would need details
(various rules and requirements and expectations explained)
Me: what sort of client is this?
Me: i thought you were a community college student
Me: but you have clients?
QuickFiveHundred: i am a student, though it is not my main occupation
QuickFiveHundred: i cannot disclose any information as to the nature of the business
Me: you don't talk like a student
QuickFiveHundred: and how exaclty does a student speak/
Me: i don't know but it's giving me a bad vibe
QuickFiveHundred: very amusing
QuickFiveHundred: and the way you have spoken to me? i shouldnt let your habit of eating babies affect my judgement of you though
QuickFiveHundred: i understand your concern
QuickFiveHundred: and i need your help
QuickFiveHundred: i will do everything i can to make you feel more comfortable
QuickFiveHundred: there are just certain things i can and cannot do
QuickFiveHundred: i can meet you myself and it would not be hard to prove to you that i am a student as i say
QuickFiveHundred: but i cannot arrange for a meeting with my client until next month
Me: when next month?
Me: i've got a summer internship that isn't in town
QuickFiveHundred: the second weekend of may
Me: ok i will probably be here
Me: my last final is saturday may 14
QuickFiveHundred: what is your name
Me: why
QuickFiveHundred: or that which you should like to be called
Me: caroline
QuickFiveHundred: very well caroline
QuickFiveHundred: do you have a boyfriend?
Me: why
QuickFiveHundred: i do not want you to be uncomfortable about any aspect of such an arrangement
Me: i don't see why my personal life is any of your business
QuickFiveHundred: you may be somewhat reluctant, and i am sure you havent been doing this very long
QuickFiveHundred: fair enough
QuickFiveHundred: ill be in contact with you

Rudest client ever.. again!

2005-04-10T23:51:00.000-07:00

Remember the Rudest client ever?
He started calling me again and I forgot who he was. I pushed it out of my memory and answered the call while shopping at Walgreens. He wanted to go to the theater, which I was fine with, and then he started saying "Well you know what I mean, though, right? What I want to do in the theater, I mean." I was like, 'who is this guy?' and answered him, "Umm I'm not entirely comfortable with doing something in a public place like that." He wanted to give me $50 and I reminded him that it was much much higher than that amount for just one hour and that he wanted a date for an entire movie which would be more than an hour.
It wasn't until the middle of an IM conversation later on that I realized who I was talking to.. the rudest client ever!!

badclient: hi caroline
me: hi
badclient: so what do u think of the idea ......going to the theatre
badclient: are u there
badclient: hello
badclient: are u mad at me
me: brb
badclient: k
badclient: caroline, i cant stay long but if u are still interested in the theatre thing cool just let me know u have my number....we dont have to fuck just get a blow job is cool and after the movie we can fuck in my car so how does that sound ....i hope u like the idea cuz i really want to see u again....you look hot the first time i met u
me: wait, i didn't remember your screenname or phone number at first.. we saw each other? and you wanted to do it in the car then, is that right?
me: and we went to a motel room and you made me get the room, is that you?
badclient: its me harry
me: we met at the union and you were hiding?
me: were you the one?
badclient: lol...i wasnt hiding i was waiting in the other room
badclient: why would i hide from a beautiful girl
me: and you didn't have enough money
me: and didn't tip
badclient: ouch....
me: and then made me try to get money back from the motel room
badclient: well yeah cuz i didnt want them to take advantage of you
me: harry, do you see where this is going?
badclient: yes....that im not experience with sort of thing
me: i don't want to see you ever again
me: okay?
badclient: ok......sorry

Are you horny?

2005-04-10T05:14:00.000-07:00

I just received a phone call at 7:09 AM. I'm awake, sure, but I'm usually not awake that late at night. I'm generally in bed by 4am at the latest! Who the fuck calls at 7 am?!
It was a number marked "private" and normally I don't answer those calls, but because I was awake and because it was so ridiculously early, I decided to take a gander at what the person who blocked their phone number had to say.
I made my voice gravelly, as if I'd just been woken from a deep sleep, and rasped, "Hello?"
"Oh, uh, hey baby, what's up?"
"Who is this?"
"Hey are you horny this morning?"
And *Click* I collapsed my phone.

I just put up a profile on a big escort website and my volume of calls has skyrocketed. Unfortunately, the quality of men calling has gone down. "Are you horny?" WTF!
That's just not right.

Frat brothers

2005-04-04T00:09:00.000-07:00

Well, I was going to post about Eric, the boy I was with last night, and I wrote part of a post and saved it as a draft.. but today Eric was on my computer looking at client photos and recognized someone who went to his high school! Oops. Eric, I hope you have enough sense not to mention everything, even during one of your maniacal drunken episodes.

At any rate, I was talking to this same client today on yahoo messenger and he wanted to know why I didn't come to the frat party he invited me to. I honestly forgot about it until he told me the theme of the party and I had to admit that it rang a bell but I might have been drunk when he told me. I asked him where the party was.. and he told me the SAME fraternity that the boyfriend-ish was staying at when he met me. The boyfriend is also a member of this fraternity at his college. He no longer stays there when he visits because he stays with me instead.
Oh dear God. I hope nothing gets around. This is going to bite me in the ass, isn't it?
Shit.

The boyfriend and I are still dating. (I'm sorry, e, I can't help it.) I tried breaking up with him over spring break again. It didn't happen. He started begging and I got soft. I still have feelings for him. Damnit. I wish I didn't, this would be easier.

< complaining>
One of my roommates puked in the bathroom and didn't clean it up. I just cleaned it up tonight. It took half an hour to scrape up the dried puke. I fucking hate her. I can't wait to move out. I can deal with the mess in the living room , I somewhat dislike the dishes in the sink and dirty stove in the kitchen, I am fine with clothes strewn all over my room, but I can't deal with a dirty bathroom. GROSS. I almost puked myself just cleaning it up. I want to stay in town this summer, but I can't find a good reason to stay other than that I've never stayed in town a single summer. I really don't want to stay in this apartment with my poor white trash messy bitchy roommate. ARGH.
I came home stoned last night at 1:30am and was about to turn on the lights and the television and just chill out and call some people to see if they wanted to party some more, but there was a man on the floor sleeping on my flip-n-fuck. Strange. The next day I asked my roommate who was here. She was standing in my other roommate's doorway and turned her back to me and said "My brother was here." I asked, "Did he throw up?" She said "I don't know." I really think that if she is going to have guests, she ought to ask me if they can stay and if they can sit in my nice plush chair or sleep on my flip-n-fuck.
Later, when cleaning the bathroom, I found HER socks COVERED in vomit. It was fucking disgusting. I'd rather clean the bathroom than talk to her about it; I don't even want to talk to her anymore. Fuck.
< /complaining>

Emails

2005-04-03T17:18:00.000-07:00

I saw the guy in Chicago and everything was fine. I made a post about him, but my computer gave me the BLUE SCREEN OF DEATH and I lost it. Oh well. I might revisit him. I am going to talk about other things, though. Right now: emails. Next post: the boy I was with last night.

From John, 2 emails.

Subject: Bad news, good news.
The bad is I had to make my trip there during your
Spring Break...the good (I hope) is I'll be back in mid-June.
Also, and I thank you for it, knowing I'd see you eventually, I jacked
off a lot...the housekeeper commented on the "starch" in the sheets, which
led to a most pleasant conversation....
I hope your Spring Break was fun AND profitable...I remember some super
orgies at S-B. Hope to hear from you. John :8-Þ

Subject: St. Louis
Finally dawned on me that you may well be in St. Louis this
weekend -- that certainly is where the action is (and the big
money...my wife always said it's always more fun to fuck for cash! and she was
super at it!!). John

Oh my. I'm not sure where to start with this. His wife fucks for cash? He enjoys it? What?
Also, I don't streetwalk. I'm not going to go pick up men for money in St. Louis. That sounds scary. I'm not sure any men would even believe me, they'd probably think I was joking, and I'd feel silly.

This guy called me one day at 6 am. I was awake, but I didn't answer my phone, because who the fuck calls a college student at 6:00 in the morning? Even I usually go to bed by 5am, but I sure don't usually wake up until about noon.
I was at McDonald's looking for a Shamrock Shake when I finally called him back 4 hours later. He wanted to meet up, but I told him I couldn't. Hm. Sometimes I think I shouldn't decline offers just on a whim, but what the hell, I was enjoying my milkshake and I had class in 2 hours.
He called me again a few days later... ON St. Patrick's Day. It was 11 am. He wanted to meet up. I was already drunk. Silly older men, have you forgotten what my life is like?
I'm also not going to pick up men for money on spring break. I'm very controlled and careful with my escorting. Besides, I went home. W00t. Big drunken debauchery fest? Well, I bought my little sister beer, does that count?
Finally, I'm grossed out by his mentioning that he cummed all over the sheets and the housekeeper had to CLEAN UP his SEMEN. Yuck.

Me = not super-vamp

2005-03-18T17:04:00.000-08:00

I'm talking to a potential client who wants to meet up before I fly out. He reminded me of a boy I'd met in Florida over spring break one year. He is really very good-looking and fairly young, maybe 30, and I was surprised that he'd expressed so much ardent interest.
Unfortunately, he lives pretty far away near the airport. He'd wanted me to come on Saturday and leave Sunday, and I questioned whether or not he knew I was a call girl and that 24 hours would be fairly expensive.
He said that he realized that, and really wanted to see me.
Since then, I've been getting almost daily IMs from him saying how much he wants to see me and how much he is fantasizing about us together. It kind of concerns me a little, because no other clients IM me daily and he always ends his conversations with copious kiss emoticons.

Example from last night:
Him: I look forward to talking with you again -- you're a charmer ;-)
Me: thanks! you are, too
Him: 'night :-*:-*:-*:-*:-*:-*

Example from today:
Him: If I don't stop thinking about you I'll never make it to work.
Him: Have a good day.
Him: :-*:-*:-*:-*:-*

Upon agreeing to see him:
Him: Awesome. I wonder how many times I'll fantasize about you between now and then...
Him: Not including the twelve I've had since we started this IM ;-)
Him: :-*:-P:-D

Obviously these are just small snippets taken from the long conversation in the window I had open, but most other clients tend to keep their distance a little, at least until I meet them in person. He also sent me a link to his photo or hotornot.com, which I found amusing. (He has an 8.1/10, fyi.)

At any rate, the other night he called to see if I would be able to see him soon, and I mentioned that I'd be in the area. He then asked, "How much would the overnight run you? What do you think about $400?"
Four hundred dollars? I've never done an overnight, but I was sure thinking of a LOT more than that, especially from a guy who seemed so eager to meet me and sent me daily IMs telling me that I was really hot. He's sent so many IMs that I'm worried I'm going to disappoint when he sees me in person and realizes I'm not actually super-vamp and instead am just a regular girl.
"Uhm, I was thinking of upwards of $1000."
"Well, shit, I can't afford that. Why so much?"
"Well, you see, I can see two other clients at one hour each and make what you want for an entire night."
"We wouldn't be in bed the whole time, though, I'd take you out and show you the town and buy you drinks and dinner."

But still, it's the company that I'm not sure about. I can manage with sex just fine, but being charming and beautiful for 24 hours on end is something I haven't dealt with since I rushed sororities.
So instead I am going to see him on Sunday for two hours before I leave. I hope it goes well and that I don't disappoint/am made uncomfortable/am kidnapped by lonely/passionate beefcake.

Damnit!

2005-03-18T14:54:00.000-08:00

I'm a bad Catholic. I ate meat. Damnit, I forgot it was Lent! Easter's only a week away! I didn't go out seeking meat. I'd actually planned on fish all day (tuna melt and sushi) despite forgetting it was Lent. One of my fantastic professors had brought in pepperoni pizza for our last class before spring break.
YEAH SPRING BREAK!!
I'll be back next week. :)

Out of Context

2005-03-17T07:10:00.000-08:00

Happy St. Patrick's Day! I wanted to get drunk early, but I have class from 10-5 since I scheduled my physics labs and quizzes and lectures all on the same day like a dummy. Boo quantum mechanics!

I got Winsor Pilates in the mail the other day and tried it out. The fat-burning workout was fine, it raised my heart rate a bit and was a nice workout, but when we got to the "cooldown" I nearly died. She really kills your abs, that Mari Winsor!!
There is one move where you lay on the floor, legs in the air at 90 degrees, and you must reach your legs over your head and touch the ground over your head. This was hard enough, but on the way back down I QUEEFED. I tried it again, and I queefed again!!! I thought the air must be out of my vagina by then and tried it once more, and queefed a third time. Oh Mari Winsor, you rascal!
I could hardly complete the ab workout, though. She made you roll on your spine a lot and I didn't have a mat and was just rolling my back on the floor a lot.
Mari: "Oooh, we're rolling the spine, that feels good doesn't it?"
Me: *cursing*

Yesterday I saw my military client on the Quad as I was coming out of a building and he was going in the building. I smiled and waved. He looked startled. I looked slightly disheveled, so he might not have recognized me, but on the other hand, I have a very distinctive and recognizable face. I could never work for the CIA, people would remember my face and know me in an instant. He had seen me one other time, also disheveled, when I was supposed to meet him to meet over lunch and I cancelled at the last minute. He really wanted to meet me and so he volunteered to drive me to class. I hopped in his car with wet hair and while eating a hot pocket. Of course, I was completely presentable on our date.

"I couldn't help but wonder" (the roommates were watching the finale of Sex and the City last night, and that seems to be the lead character's catchphrase) should I have pretended like I didn't recognize him, or should I be friendly and pretend we met someplace else, in class perhaps, or at a military ball?

Jean Teasdale's Hubby Rick

2005-03-16T20:45:00.000-08:00

I had a nice, straightforward client the other day. He was one of the ones who reminded me about how ridiculously easy escorting is. When I started, I thought it would be a lot harder than it is, and I'm pleasantly surprised at how much fun I have on dates.
He was a veterinary medicine student with a wife and child in a small, chintzy, poorly decorated townhouse in a town about 20 minutes away. I didn't remember him telling me that he had a wife, so I was surprised to find piles and piles of stuff in his house, with ratty slipcovers over the sofas, lace doilies on tables, framed photographs everywhere, a tall wooden glass-fronted case full of figurines, and kitty cat wall hangings. It felt like Jean Teasdale's A Room of One's Own.
The house itself was more interesting than the date. It was a very lowkey date, a backrub, then oral to completion, then some kissing and touching, more oral, and about a minute of penetration. I had a nice time.
I'm writing a post soon about my friend who so strongly objected to me becoming an escort. I wrote part of it and saved it as a draft. Thanks if people reading this posted replies; it meant a lot to hear your viewpoints. It's nice to know that I'm not alone. :)

Posters of Naked Men

2005-03-13T07:48:00.000-08:00

I want a big poster of a luscious naked man.
All I can find are posters of naked women.
I don't want to see women! I don't find women attractive. I want a delicious man!! I want like a pin-up man, or maybe one of the French Rugby team calendars. I want a man on my wall that I can look at every night before I go to bed and look at right when I wake up. I want copious amounts of naked man photos, nice masculine men, not gay bears or gay bondage or gay whatever. I want a nice handsome hunky man looking out of the poster saying, "Come to me. I'm yours, baby. Lick my bottom and I'll moan in excitement as my cock stiffens. You're an amazing woman."
Why do men have this privilege, and women must make do with just fantasies? I'm going to start a magazine, for real. It will be full of Maxim's humor, none of this "beauty tips" or "what is he thinking?" crap, but actual intelligent pieces, and it will have NAKED MEN EVERYWHERE.
I'm a fucking horndog.

The thing that strikes me most about it, though, is the sense of entitlement it conveys. Maxim is made for men to think that they are the center of the world, that they deserve the best in life, and that everything is made for them. Women are not marketed to by this angle. Women's magazines tell women how to amplify their eyes for others to look at, which purse to buy so that others will admire them, or how to capture a boyfriend that will make their friends jealous. Men's magazines tell men that the world is theirs, that men have the world, that men are fine and problem-free and women are either trouble or amazing. It makes men think that even though they might be fat or ugly or smelly, they can still be an amazing man and score a fantastic girlfriend.
It's like women's magazines exploit women's insecurities.
I have a sense of entitlement, goddamnit, and I need you to give me naked men now. Men are here to serve me. I buy things so that I can enjoy them, not so that others will admire me. I used to care about things like that, but now I'm self-centered and unapologetic. Give me men. I want them now! I want them all in my room, making out with each other, bringing me drinks and licking my face.
Sometimes I feel like I'm a gay man in a woman's body. I like butts, backs, men on men, and pretty, little-boy angel faces.
Find me naked men posters, now!

Naughty boy, you need a spanking!

2005-03-12T01:37:00.000-08:00

The boyfriend once wanted me to dominate him, but I wasn't sure how. He'd taken to calling me "mistress" as I dictated him instructions like "finger your asshole, push your finger inside, tickle forward, then stroke underneath your cock with your other hand. You're such a bad boy! You need a spanking" "Yes mistress, I'm a very bad boy."

But I really don't know how to go about this dominatrix business. How could I have been GGG without knowing where to start? Anyone know where to just start in that area of sexuality? I find lots of things about people who are already into it, but not much about how to go about it.

Blogs: The Absolute Bottom 50 Blogs @ CHICKENHEAD.COM

2005-03-11T21:36:00.000-08:00

I was reading through Blogs: The Absolute Bottom 50 Blogs and came to these:

15. users.pimplecream.com/sirpopzalot
16. IHaveAnEntertainmentIndustryJobAndYouDont.com
17. PottyMouthedRichCollegeGirlPrattlingAboutFucking.com
18. WatchDogWatchDog.com
19. GeorgeWBushMakesMeSoMadIStartedABlog.org

I guess that's me. Is that so bad? Hmph.

Diary of An Unrepentant Sex Addict

2005-03-11T02:29:00.000-08:00

The Diary of An Unrepentant Sex Addict has posted a list of things he's done and not done, and I thought I'd give it a whirl as well, just to see.
I smell like tanning. I went to tan today, and went for 20 minutes, and forgot to turn on the fan, so I sweated out my lotion everywhere. Then when I got out, I realized they'd forgotten to provide me with a towel. GROSS.

I've never (statements in bold are true):

I've Never Kissed A Member Of The Opposite Sex
I've Never Kissed A Member Of The Same Sex
I've Never Crashed A Friend's Car
I've Never Been To Japan
I've Never Been In A Taxi
I've Never Been In Love
I've Never Had Sex In Public
I've Never Been Dumped
I've Never Done Cocaine
I've Never Shoplifted
I've Never Been Fired
I've Never Been In A Fist Fight
I've Never Had Group Intercourse (3, 4, and more)
I've Never Snuck Out Of My Parents' House (but it was more to go running at 2 am than to go drinking with friends. I was somewhat unpopular in high school. I studied obsessively, worked doubles on weekends, and worked out obsessively. That's about it. I'm happier now without the ridiculous self-discipline and constant need to improve myself. I'm content. Is that bad if it means I stop working out except for the Carmen Electra Fit to Strip video and get lax on studying? Hmm.)
I've Never Been Tied Up
I've Never Regretted Having Sex With Someone (Horniness gets the better of me and I end up wearing beer goggles.)
I've Never Been Arrested
I've Never Made Out With A Stranger
I've Never Stolen Something From My Job
I've Never Celebrated New Years In Time Square
I've Never Gone On A Blind Date
I've Never Lied To A Friend
I've Never Had A Crush On A Teacher
I've Never Celebrated Mardi Gras In New Orleans ("Hey, good, you're home from the bar, now pack your bags, we're leaving for New Orleans in 20 minutes. You can scan and email your homework at Kinko's. Let's go!")
I've Never Been To Europe
I've Never Skipped School
I've Never Slept With A Co-Worker
I've Never Cut Myself On Purpose
I've Never Had Sex At The Office
I've Never Been Married
I've Never Been Divorced
I've Never Had Sex With More Than One Person Within The Same Week (Are you kidding me?)
I've Never Posed Nude
I've Never Gotten Someone Drunk Just To Have Sex With Them (I coerced my way into his apartment, made him take Skol shots, then I took shots after him. The next morning, I woke up naked, ran to the bathroom, and proceeded to vomit 5 times. Bad vodka. Oops!)
I've Never Killed Anyone
I've Never Received Scars From My Sex Partner
I've Never Thrown Up In A Bar (I throw up in the morning. I throw up lots. I don't know why; I nearly always throw up the morning after a night out.)
I've Never Purposely Set A Part Of Myself On Fire (Does it count if you're wearing a glove and you spray it with perfume so it ignites?)
I've Never Eaten Sushi
I've Never Been Snowboarding
I've Never Had Sex At A Friend's House While They Were Throwing A Party (The condom broke on Friday night and I couldn't get EC until Monday. Make EC over the counter! Congressmen, are you listening?!)
I've Never Had Sex In A Dressing Room
I've Never Flashed Anyone
I've Never Met Anyone From Online

Interesting.

Tip your servers, please

2005-03-10T23:17:00.000-08:00

Tonight I took my darling roommate out to eat at IHOP. I had a bad craving for some strawberry pancakes and hadn't eaten since my appointment and I went out to a Mexican restaurant for dinner the night before.
We're all done and just sitting there in the smoking section for a while resting our bloated bellies.
Two obnoxious old men come in and sit in the booth behind ours, they crack a bad joke to the waitress, who laughs nervously, and they demand, "Give me coffee!! Coffee!"
The roommate and I chat for a while about various things, like old dying chinchillas and how the boy who walked past was an embarrassing ugly hook-up from sophomore year (back when I wore my beer goggles nightly and thought Marines were divine).
Then she's suddenly quiet and is glaring at the men behind me. She says "Those guys are talking about how they're not going to tip." I cock my head to the right, and sure enough, the old man with the wild beard and crazy hair is loudly discussing how he doesn't tip anymore because waitresses get paid anyway.
WTF!
I pulled out more money for our tip, but then realized that they had a different waitress than us. When we walked up to the cashier, we told him about it, and he said "Yeah, they've been here before and not tipped. They said that they'd been to Perkins and it took 2 hours to get some service. I wonder why."

Who are these people who don't tip waiters and waitresses? It's IHOP. They get paid $3.90 an hour, which is admittedly better than the $2.13 an hour I got paid when I worked at a diner in another state. Tips from other customers are not very big, either. I mean, I tipped $7, but that's because I'm ridiculous about tipping, since a larger than average tip could once make my day fantastic. Everything else that went wrong was fine, because hey, that nice couple at table 31 tipped me so well, and nothing else can go wrong that will spoil my mood. One night I was in the section with all the big tables, and my only tables all night were two large parties of Hispanic teenagers. One table was a friend of the cashier and left me $1 on a large (split) check. Another table was a very large group just coming in from church, and they left me $6 on a $100 (split) check.
Once I served an old man and his wife, who cracked not-very-hilarious jokes like "Can I have a hot dog? BWAhahaha" that made me puke up babies. They left me a tip. Oh, it was a tip alright. It was a little card that said "Here's a tip. Read the Word of God. The gospel can feed you in ways that money cannot!" Thanks for the tip, old man, I'll be sure to think of the Word of God when I can't afford to buy toilet paper.

Who are these people who don't tip? Do they really think it's acceptable? If you go out to eat somewhere and expect to be served, you ought to count the tip in with your food budget. It's not an extra expense, it's part of the cost of your meal. You should certainly not tip as much if you receive truly awful service, but is the cost of the tip really worth the cost of crushing someone's spirits?

No Hot Sex for Me.

2005-03-10T21:32:00.000-08:00

The boyfriend didn't come. I'm sad.
I got back from my appointment at about 10:00, much later than I'd expected, and called him up. He didn't answer. Finally at about 11:30 I call his mother, who I unfortunately awoke, and after apologizing profusely and telling her to go back to bed, she wanted to know why I was calling.
"Is your son there?"
"Hmm.. John, is he here? Okay, hold on"
Then the most awful, gravelly, rasping voice comes out of the phone.
"H-hello?"
"Baby, is that you?"
"What? Uhh god I fell asleep in a chair."
"Oh I'm sorry to wake you up! Do you want to go back to sleep there, or come and sleep over here?"
"There. Just give me a few more minutes to wake up and I'll call you."

At 1:00 am, still no sign of him. I then called his cell phone about 10 times, hoping the ringer would wake him up, because I'm a very hard sleeper and occasionally multiple calls will wake me up.
I'm sure he thinks I'm a psycho stalker now, as he has gone back to school already and has also gone back in to work, or so his mother told me this afternoon.
Very sad.. I want to cuddle!

The Rudest Client Ever

2005-03-08T22:31:00.000-08:00

Wow! I'm amazed at the amount of people who are viewing my blog. Thanks to Mistress Matisse, Jane the Prostitute, ErosBlog, and others (my statistics only tell me about the past 100 visitors) for linking to me.

My friend has asked to write about me and my experiences for her creative nonfiction writing class, and wanted to know about a certain client I had. I decided to post it because it's mildly amusing. If you don't understand why it's so funny, let me know in the comments, and I can explain why each act of rudeness was so ridiculous.

A while back, I had a fast-speaking Chinese-accented new client call and ask for a half-hour appointment. He'd been with other escorts before and he wanted me to come to his place. I told him it was alright, but he'd have to meet me somewhere in public. Then he asks "well can you, can you come down on the price at all? i mean.. uh.. "
Dude. You are getting a half hour appointment. There is no fucking way I'm coming down on the price, that's the whole reason I do half hour appointments, for cheap clients who can't afford the full experience. This isn't China, you can't haggle your way to a lower price, I'm not an object, it's a service.
I tell him that it's impossible, and that he might want to try a more budget-pleasing mature BBW or a gay man if he wants it for that price. He says "fine, fine" and agrees to the price.

So I shower and get ready and call him back.
He says, "Okay, can I ask you a weird question? I'm not sure if you do can do this." I'm thinking, "Oh no" but tell him to go ahead and ask. He says "My girlfriend and uncle came home, so can we do it in the car?"

You want me to do it in the CAR? I'm not a street hooker. How would the mechanics work, anyway? I mean, it could work, but it certainly wouldn't be all that pleasant.
I tell him it's impossible, but I agree to meet him at the campus center at 9:00.
So I get there and wait in a chair for a few minutes, then call him.
Me: "Are you here?"
Him: "Yeah, I'm here"
Me: "Well I'm here, too, where are you?"
Him: "Oh hode on, I see you"
Me: "Oh okay" and hang up.

Ten minutes later, there is no sign of this guy.

I call him again.
Me: "Where are you?"
Him: "I'm, I'm a, I'm over here! I I can see you!"
Me: "What? Where? If you can see me, come meet me!"
Him: "No, turn to you-ah left and walk about 20 feet."
Me: "Ummmmmm.... what the hell?" I hang up.

So I meet him, he's about 30, Chinese-American looking. He's waiting in a chair over on one side of the building and is partially blocked by a wall. He said he wasn't sure about the whole thing and was nervous about it and didn't want to come over and meet me in front of a bunch of students.
I just kind of roll my eyes. No one cares. So what if we're seen in public? It's not like people are saying, "Ooohh a 21-year-old girl is seen with a 30 year old man at the union, they MUST engaged in prostitution." He's not in college. He doesn't really know anyone at the school. Nobody cares, seriously. We're two people meeting each other. It happens daily without incident.

So I get his license, we walk outside, we get to the car, everything's fine. We get inside.. and it's a tiny stick shift two-seater. I ask, "You wanted to do it in the car? In this thing? What?"
He says, "Well.. I was kind of hoping we could do it in YOUR car."

.........Ignoring the fact that I don't have a car, to ask a call girl if you could have sex with her in her car is probably the most ridiculous and presumptuous thing I've ever heard.

When we get to the motel, he asks if I'll go get the room. I tell him no, he has to get the room. He claims that he is nervous about doing it and about there being a record and then they'll call him and ask him about it or something. I tell him fine, whatever, you're a tool, give me $50, I'll go get the room. I told myself I'd keep the change from it for my trouble.

Unfortunately, the room cost $53. They were out of the cheaper single king-size-bed suites and had nothing left but executive suites, which is the same, but are more expensive, are a little bigger, and have desks.
I walk outside and his car is gone. I then see his headlights about 15 parking spaces away from the lobby. I tilt my head and walk towards him. He does not get out of the car. His car is a typical Asian car, black paint, blue lights everywhere, all kinds of gadgets. I don't remember the make or model. Finally I open the door and tell him the room cost more than $50 and that the room was over here, so let's go.
We get inside, I turn on the television, no music channels, so he asks if I could turn on a basketball game.
He puts some money on the table, I don't count it, I just see that it's there. So we get busy. I strip down to lingerie.
We start to kiss, everything's okay. I move down and take his windpants off. He's not wearing any underwear. I kind of ignore this fact, and reach over to the side table to grab a condom.
He says, "Oh, wait, I mean, stop, come on now, you don't need to use that, I mean, you don't need it, can't you just go down? Come on, just do it without it, come on. You don't need a condom"
I sit up very quickly, set the condom down on the table, and tell him the rules once more. "He says, okay, I know, I've been with other girls, and they've always used condoms, too, I just thought I'd try."
Whatever.
Besides, he is uncircumcised, and his penis kind of smells like pee.
So I use orange flavored condoms, everything else is fine, we start out girl on top, move to missionary.. and the whole time, he is watching the basketball game on TV. The entire time. He's fucking while watching basketball. It's a half hour appointment. He's fucking while watching basketball.

Afterwards, he said it was because he was trying not to come very quickly. I just thought it was ridiculous.
I go to check the money. As I'm counting, he says "Oh yeah, I'm really sorry, but I don't have enough money."

"What! You don't have enough money?!? Excuse me?"

"Yeah I'm five dollars short. Oh, well, I mean, I can go to an ATM or something if you want me to.."

This is a half hour appointment. Five dollars short? Come on.
Then he says "well maybe you can get some money back for the room."
I'm like "ummm I'm not going to go ask to get some money back."
He says "yeah! just go do it! I'm sure they'll refund you, we haven't been here that long."
So after a bit of argument, I grudgingly go in and ask, when really I'm just kind of expecting him to drive off. I emerge from the lobby and tell him that they wouldn't refund any money. He says, "Well, it was worth a try." Yeah right. Asshole.
Then he asks, "So do you really want me to go to an ATM to give you this $5? I mean, it's just $5, right?" I'm completely and utterly fed up with him by this point and tell him to just drop me off back at the student center. Usually guys will TIP, not SHORT me money.
On the way back, he gets a call from his long-term girlfriend of 10 years. She wants to know where he's been. He claims he's been at the video store trying to rent a movie. She says she has also been out at Blockbuster looking for videos, and which store was he at, and what he thought of this or that movie, and which movie did he end up with?

I will never again see this man. Apparently he's seen other escorts in town, but he's only seen each only once. I wonder why...

In other news, the boyfriend had to work this weekend at his new job, and says that he will either come visit me tonight when he gets off or tomorrow if he's too tired tonight. I wish he could give me an exact time. I can't really book appointments when I don't know when he'll be here. I'm in lust, to the max. I daydream about fucking him all the time. I want to take his cock into my mouth and swirl my tongue around the head. I want to feel his tongue sensually moving around my pussy. I want to feel his cock penetrating me, and then I want to feel him cum in my ass. So many "I wants" but I want! I want!!

Morons

2005-03-06T23:27:00.000-08:00

Emails I get from would-be suitors are listed below. I'm not sure if
-they know I'm a call girl and want me to contact them about it, or
-if they are just sending emails to all the girls on the website and playing the numbers game, or
-if they didn't read my profile and are just sending me an email because they saw my cute picture and they want to hook up.
In any case, they're ridiculous.

------------------------------------------------------------
would love to meet u and see where it gos
and by the way yi love girls that like to be sluty if your into that
------------------------------------------------------------
hey im a 6'3 dark hair blue eyes student athletic build if u want to learn more email me back i got pics for ya..lets do this hun
------------------------------------------------------------
email is ****
------------------------------------------------------------
ok, so your a call girl. Lol, yeah I would be interested in hooking up with you but by the looks of you, you are out of my price range so.....it doesn't mean that we have to stop talking, right?...unless you want to of course. I understand that you are doing this to try to....um....raise sales.....best way I can put it. But I'd still like to talk to you. What can I say, the fact that your a call girl actually kinda intrigues me. Your right though, unfortunately, I am a "nice guy", which means my life is really boring. I have alot of friends and aquantances (sp?), but most of them are boring. Lets put it this way, I'd like to keep talking to you....strictly on a friendly basis.....I am not trying to get any "free stuff" here, Your cute as hell, obviously smart if your attending the **** (university), and your a call girl......you have to admit it is a very intriguing mix. You have to excuse me though if I prattle on, you know how drunks are and I'm afraid I went down to the bar tonight and got really hammered sooooo......basically to make a long story short, your a call girl, I was hitting on you, you weren't interested in that, but I'd still like to get to know you.....no strings. If you would like a "pen pal" then let me know if not then it was nice meeting you and once again excuse the drunken prattle Hopefully talk to you soon and if not then......well then HAVE FUN James
------------------------------------------------------------
I would be interested. Get ahold of me.
------------------------------------------------------------
could i get a discount? wassup called the other day. and said i will send something. talk with you soon.
------------------------------------------------------------
GENEROUS WM,STD & DRUG FREE, ST LOUIS AREA, CAN TRAVEL, WANTS TO KNOW IF HE CAN HAVE ALL 3 HOLES TO CUM IN WITH HIS BARE COCK?
------------------------------------------------------------
wow very hot i would love to help you out when can we meet i can take care of you if interested i can help out with your tution and rent be real iam if serious let me know neeed a surgar daddy iam all u need love to play hooker
------------------------------------------------------------
jon here love to meet one on one can be very giving wrote to you a while back love to act out fantasy of hooker jon willing to be very giving iam for real i hope you are let me know either way can u be descrete i can
------------------------------------------------------------
Wow sometimes there are diamonds in the rough,,I am 42 (hopefully) look /definitely act younger,, , drink but on occasion never to exceed/unless at home/or for the night,, then I will have margarita,,(tequila), I weigh about 160 height 5' 11,
>I'm kinda old school the chivalry area,,women are a wonder to me and especially , I mean the rare exception of Brain and beauty,,, most are in the middle per say, but few,,,I definitely have my adventurous side, I went to RIO DE JANEIRO FOR THE REAL CARNIVAL,,(last February,ummmmm, that was really ,,well, ask me some day,,,I am more on the conservative side in public, very very gentlemen like,, opening doors,being gentle with strong hands,my hand at the small of your back when walking, I LOVE to court if you will, I am A romantic at heart, quit the poet to , give me a word,situation or place and test me,,, but when the lites become low, and the night is ours,,I have this kinda animal instinct and want to devour,taste,smell,feel the scent of a beautiful women, let my passion out in a various ways,gentle,not so gentle,hard,slow,fast,sweat,sweat,long drawn out for-play,,YOU EVER MADE LOVE WITH YOUR CLOTHES ON,,,SEX IS A WONDERFUL THING,,,I have learned that it comes in a lot of ways,,,,god has blessed me with a wonderful asset,,, boy it is hard to judge a book sometimes isn't,,,,,,,back to sex,,,OK,,,,,,women should be treated as women no matter what,,we all have our moments and quirks,,,,but real people have no problem with anybody or anything,, if your at peace with yourself then you are at peace and peace will follow you and its contagious,,,anyway,,,I HAVE A hunger for sex with the right person and am not a selfish lover,,actually most times, (you) women first for me, then for me then you again,,, I REALLY LIKE THE WAY THAT WORKS,, you seem like a person like myself,,, we may have some things in common,,, ANY WAY,,,,,I don't mean to be egotistic but I am well endowed and if you wanna trade a couple of picks, let me know,,, your breasts,,,I CAN (I been told) make love to breast to the point of a organism,,,just take the time,know them,cherish them,, give equal time, make hard passionate love to them,,,lick them in uncommon places,,let your nipples get ROCK hard, and harder,,,,but also be a gentleman and be conscience of your every moan,move,grind,rock,twist and shout ,make mental notes and make the next even more EXCITING,,,THIS is just the beginning of me,,,I have 2 sides,, the businessman during day and your absolute dream fuck/lover at night,,,I am somewhat new to this forum ,but I believe I stumbled across a real person/women/friend/lover,,drop me A line,,I know you be excited to hear back from me as I am you,,,till next time,,
------------------------------------------------------------
you are hottttt would love to hook up
------------------------------------------------------------
are you cute what you neme my is al I am never see woman like you.
------------------------------------------------------------
Lets make out time togeather pay off
------------------------------------------------------------

In case it is not obvious to you, the above emails are not the way to entice me to answer messages. Either they are too short, completely incoherent, and lacking in information, or they are too long, completely self-absorbed, and lacking in information. To me, the strangest requests were "Can I get a discount?" and "Can we be pen pals? I'm not angling for free stuff here or anything." Right. Of course not.
Oh well.

I just realized that I'm 21, which is where I've wanted to be for a long long time.. but in 5 months, I will be 22. Does this mean I have to start being an adult and drink coffee after waking up at 6 am like the rest of the responsible world? Or can I remain in my post-adolescent stupor, staying up all hours of the night and accomplishing work in random spurts? Maybe it's time to start enjoying my age, since I've been limiting my fun far too often this year. Hmm..
I deleted two posts because they were moronic and because I was just cranky when I wrote them. All they said was something about rap music at 5 am and that I was going to call the cops.

Victimless Crimes - Case Closed

2005-03-04T05:10:00.000-08:00

Fantastic.
Criminal prostitution records will be sealed in Illinois, as well as other victimless crimes such as marijuana possession. I can only hope this bill will move to other states.
LDN - Law & Courts

Teh Call Girl now The Call girl. You pwn. You are teh sux0rs.

2005-03-04T01:52:00.000-08:00

I am teh win, and you are teh sux0rs.
Fine. I had to get it out of me, okay?
Fine, I'll change it.
No, it is not a typo.
No, I am not stupid and don't know how to spell "the."
It's lingo, okay? 1337 lingo.
Teh means "the" like what "el" means in spanish.
But I'm changing it to make you happy.
I've been pwned. So sad.

Teh Call Girl

2005-03-04T01:44:00.000-08:00

So last night I talked to my old best friend. She had once gone to school here, and we'd quickly bonded over things. She was pretty wild her freshman year and by sophomore year she had turned 180 degrees. She didn't do very well in school and moved back home. I didn't do well in school before, but now I'm doing fantastic. I'm really happy with my life right now. I've been friends with her for several years now, and although we haven't always agreed on things, we've nearly always gotten along.. until now.
She's really the only person who hasn't been supportive of my decision to pursue becoming an escort.
She broke down in tears. I told her a while back, but she thought I was kidding. Now she realizes I'm not kidding.

It made me sad that she was crying about it, but I really didn't see what there was to cry about. I just don't think she understands.
She says it is degrading. I don't really feel that it is. I make the rules, I decide what will happen, and men pay to pleasure me. If I were a man, which I am (gay and minus penis), it would be my dream come true, which it is.
The truth is I felt more degraded at my waitressing job at a popular low-priced diner chain than I have anytime else in my life. Right now I don't feel degraded; I would stop if I did. What I am doing right now is just so ridiculously fun and easy and profitable that it's hard to see it as something bad. I don't think it's really any different from what I've done in the past.. I'm just getting paid for it now. I choose who I want to see. I haven't seen anyone yet who has physically repulsed me and who I haven't wanted to see. There was one client who did a bait and switch (showed me a picture of him 10 years younger), but it ended up turning out very very well.

She wouldn't stop crying. She said, "I'm so sorry that there's no one there who cares about you enough to stop you from doing this to yourself."
She's really the only person who has objected to this degree. Everyone else seems to understand where I'm coming from and what I'm doing. I've had friends wait outside for me to make sure I go in and come out fine. We had a whole system worked out when I was very new at escorting and not sure what was acceptable and what to watch out for. Now I'm more confident about what I can expect, and now I just meet in a public place and call his driver's license and location to a friend, and call again after an hour.

She says that no one is going to love me for doing this, that I'll never get any respect, and that I'll hever find a guy who will be okay with this and that when he finds out, he will treat me horribly.
This I have no answer for, because I haven't found someone I want to marry yet. However, I'd like to think that anyone I would like enough to choose to marry would have many of the same ideas and background as me, and thus wouldn't think it was as terrible as someone more conservative might. I probably wouldn't reveal it to all my future boyfriends, only the ones with whom I felt comfortable sharing that kind of information.
The boyfriend once asked how many men I'd been with, and I couldn't answer. I knew it was more than 20, but less than 50. I don't keep track. I don't really think about it too much.

She says that she knows me, and that I've done things that I've regretted later but not regretted at the time I was doing it.
Thinking back on my life, I don't really regret anything. I might have said I regretted things because I was embarrassed at having, for example, slept with an asian man and then bragged about it. It wasn't really that terrible, I just regretted it because I later didn't want the whole world to know my dirty laundry. I have a lot more confidence now than I did then, anyway. I know what I'm doing. I don't get coerced into things like I did when I was younger and more naive. No one put the idea into my head. I wanted to do it for myself.

The question everyone wants to know is about my past.
Well.. I have a wonderful relationship with my parents, who are still together, and I've never been sexually abused. My first kiss was at 16. I broke up with my first boyfriend because he didn't want to fool around in the movie theater with me, our only chance to get away. He wanted to "watch the movie." Ridiculous.
I've had a very normal childhood. Christian, upper middle class, suburban upbringing, straight A's in school. I still wear a cross around my neck when I can be bothered to put jewelry on after a shower (when I can be bothered to shower). To me, God is love. I don't follow all the rules that come with Christianity, and I haven't been to church since high school. In my mind, treating everything with love and respect is what being a good person is, and it's where the idea of God lies.

I'm so happy and content with my life right now.
She wants to know if I'm doing poorly in school, and if that is making me act out. I'm not acting out, though. I drink about once or twice a month. I used to drink 3-4 times a week. I'm very safe with everyone I see, much more safe than I ever was going home with fratboys after the bars. I'm never reckless or rash with it. Everything has been very carefully planned out.

I think her primary argument is that I'm cheapening sex, that treating it like a transaction means that it isn't worth as much when I really have it.
And I do sometimes treat it like a transaction, and I've cheapened sex in the past by going on one night stands, but more often than not it isn't like that. I write on my blog about experiences that make me think and make me want to talk, but I don't talk about the good things a lot, because I don't feel the need to talk about them. But even though I sometimes turn sex into just physical sensations, as if I'm masturbating but with a buddy, I don't feel that I've lost the ability to have really amazing, non-cheapened, sex with love.

For as many times as I've broken up with my boyfriend for doing things that he didn't think about, like going out drinking with work buddies instead of coming to see me right away as promised, or taking his buddy to the hospital instead of calling me to say he wasn't coming, or going to have a cigarette and then leaving to go back to school to make it to class without telling me until he texted me 10 minutes later, or any of that shitty stuff that he does and doesn't think about, I really like him.

I really really like him. I don't like him when he's an asshole, don't get me wrong. I'm not the type who likes assholes. The thing I like most about him is that he's such a clueless dork. He's kind of absentminded (but I am, too) and sometimes doesn't think about what he does, but I never feel like he's hurting me on purpose. It's just so rare that you find someone who you really get along with and really like and really fancy and really connect with, in the bedroom and out. He lives so far away that we can't really have a real relationship, and he knows that I'm not monogamous, but he still gets jealous. I'm not dating anyone else, just seeing clients.

I guess this is all I want to talk about for now. She's so upset and I don't even really know why.
I just don't see why she can't understand me.

"Oh wow, you're probably pretty bright, then"

2005-03-02T17:30:00.000-08:00

I once found it amusing when people expressed shock at my level of intelligence. Now it just bothers me.
Now, I admit, it is unusual in itself to be a fairly good-looking girl at a good school in a hard major, but I don't understand why it would be any more shocking that a hooker would be very intelligent than it would be to find a normal girl on the street and find out that she is very intelligent.

It seems to me that you really ought to be quite bright and intelligent to last in this business, because if you're not sharp, you never know what sort of situation you might find yourself in and not be able to get out.

Earlier today, a gentleman called me and expressed interest in an appointment. He wanted me to send a face photo and asked if I had a pencil handy. I was sitting on my bed with my laptop and began to crawl around checking the nearby desks for something to write with. I found about 10 mechanical pencils, all with no lead, par for the course. He wanted to know if I was ready yet, so I commented to him, "Damnit, these pencils are all out of lead, oh the life of a ** student, let me see here now.."
"Oh! Wow! So you're pretty bright then! Cool.."
He sounded so surprised that I began to wonder about it.

Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but it seems like there is this conception that sex workers are all dumb airheads who do it because they can't find any other work.
I counter that if we were all very stupid, we wouldn't be able to think for ourselves, and thus would never be able to break free of the popular media's idea of prostitutes as morally weak, valueless, ugly, worthless, and stupid women. Obviously I am fine with my decision to pursue this, and if I was very stupid, I would be making comments much like the women on this blog, A New York Escorts Confessions, who place blame on the woman for being raped by a client. "She should have known better." "It's her fault, she's just a dirty prostitute."

Think for yourselves, you lemmings!!

Last Week

2005-03-02T07:01:00.000-08:00

For one reason or another it feels like I've been experiencing a bit of a dry spell. Part of it is that right now I'm on the rag, and before that I had an awful case of mono that made me sleep all the time, and before that I was on the rag again.
I haven't seen anyone since the incident on Saturday; before that, on Wednesday, I saw a nice man who just wanted Greek. He was very nice, albeit a bit awkward and stubborn, and refused to pick me up somewhere public on campus. After ardently discussing it with him about it for a while in his undecipherable accent, I just said "fuck it" and rode my bike out to the motel. It was freezing. I thought I was going to die and told myself I should have taken a cab and that being so stingy all the time was stupid if it means I get frostbite. I then went into the lobby and called the john and demanded that he meet me in the lobby so I could meet him. I was frustrated at this point and didn't want to argue with him so I practically yelled at him to meet me in the fucking lobby because I'd ridden my bike there and I was cold. He expressed shock (I told him I didn't have a car, maybe he didn't understand because of his thick Greek accent, the bastard) and said he was sorry. He came to the lobby and very reluctantly gave me his drivers license. I'm not going to come stalking you, you tool. I don't really care who you are or why you're seeing me, I just need to know who you are in case I get attacked. He was starting to annoy the shit out of me.

He later felt bad and gave me a nice tip. After Greek, which is all he wanted and which lasted about 15 minutes, he cuddled for a bit and told me I could leave if I wanted to leave. I could see he didn't really want me to leave, so I stayed a bit longer. He did pay for an hour, after all. He told me I'm too nice to him and that I need to be careful and stay safe and take all the precautions I did, even though he was very not happy at all about having to meet me in the lobby at the motel to call his drivers license to someone, instead of just having me come to the room. We cuddle a bit longer and then I go after 40 minutes. I probably would not see him again, he did too many things that irritated me. He did know what he was doing with the Greek style, however, which I appreciated.

I headed to the nearby Walmart and got a call from a guy who says, "I'm here! Where are you?"
I was completely confused; I thought maybe I'd booked an appointment and then forgotten about it.
Apparently he emailed to say he might be in town Wednesday night and that he might give me a call, but he neglected to set an actual time.
I decided to see him, and after going home to get ready for him, I met him at a nearby convenience store. He just wanted to smoke marijuana and then kiss me all over while I laid on the bed fucking ripped. He gave me $20 for the cab home but didn't tip extra for the pot. I was sad about that, but figured I would see him again eventually and get it out of him then. He wanted to see me the next night as well, and although I had a really really enjoyable time with him, I had extreme amounts of work to catch up with (mono's set me back a bit) and had to turn him down. I hope to see him again, he was very nice. I did have an unpleasant experience, however, when he requested a little assplay and I ended up with a finger of poo. My stomach turned over and I felt as if I was going to vomit. I retreated to the bathroom for about 10 minutes, grating the facial soap bar with my fingers in order to scrub my fingernails clean.
But other than that, it was very nice. He made me a Kahlua-vodka combination, the weed was really good, and he couldn't get it up so instead he just worshipped my body for so long I don't even know how long I was there.

Last Monday I was with a very nice, clean, pleasant, former military guy who didn't want to cum right away and was pleasantly interested in making me cum. He kept mentioning that he wanted me to be really comfortable and have a really great time and that he didn't want to disrespect me in any way. He really was very nice; I'd see him again anytime. Eventually after quasi-69 (me doing oral and him fingering) and after me cumming and requests from him to slow down, he tells me it is okay if I go back down because he's going to cum any minute. So he cums, and that's it. He can't get it up again. It's only been like 20 minutes, and this guy is so pleasant and nice and sexy that I don't want to go home just yet... so I offer to stimulate his prostate.
He'd never had the experience before, and was slightly nervous, but willing to try. I lubed my finger and just pressed it around the rim for about 30 seconds before I did any pushing. Once I was in and tickling his prostate with my finger, he told me he thought he had to go to the bathroom. I removed my finger, and the sensation stopped. I will always treasure that look on his face.. open jaw and glazed eyes.

Afterwards, he confessed to a little "Something About Mary." He'd been so nervous before meeting me that he jerked off before coming to see me. I found it endearing. He was really very cute and had a fantastic body.. and we knew a lot of the same ridiculous people in town and could gossip about them, so not only was he fun and cute, he was also interesting to talk to.

I was meant to meet someone at a local bar an hour after him, but was stood up. After two emails inquiring about the guy's whereabouts, he finally emailed me back with some incoherent message about an emergency and that he hoped I'd understand. He is Indian, and I couldn't even figure out what he was trying to say with the email, so I deleted it. Now I wish I'd saved it, but I was frustrated with him and it felt nice to hit "delete."

Most of the time when I am stood up, it is because I am an airhead and forget to ask for their phone number. I request it so often that I don't I realize they haven't given it to me until the time comes to go on the date. They nearly always have my number, so there really should be no excuse not to call me.
There is only one instance where I had the number of the client and he stood me up. The client, however, claims that he cancelled earlier that morning when I thought he was confirming. I'm terrible with mornings, so he really could have said anything and I would have forgotten it 30 seconds later while trying to not fall back asleep.

Something for Nothing..

2005-03-01T14:51:00.000-08:00

I'm sick and tired of guys who are either only talking to me because they find it stimulating to be talking to a hooker, or because they want to get something for free. One guy asked me, "Well what if we were to like meet at the bar and go home with each other, would you make me pay then?" They JUST DON'T GET IT.

Bitchface: hey we talked a while back and i said i couldnt spend that much......u prolly dont remember but i wanna chat with u and possibly hook up
Me: hey.. you do now?
Me: why the sudden change?
Bitchface: i dont know
Bitchface: i saw ur pics again
Bitchface: and if not, u got any friends that wanna hook up
Me: you saw my pics again
Me: and you just want to hook up for random sex without paying?
Bitchface: yea for ur profile
Bitchface: i know that prolly not gonna happen but yea
Me: :-)
Me: no it's probably not
Bitchface: u couldnt cut me a deal or something like that
Bitchface: im sure u make a killing at this
Me: umm
Me: why would i want to?
Me: think about that for a while
Bitchface: u couldnt cut me a deal??
Me: nope
Bitchface: why wouldnt u??
Bitchface: its freaking illegal anyways
Bitchface: and u love sex
Me: why would i??
Bitchface: i mean i could pay u just not as much as u r asking
Me: i have enough sex, I don't need it from you
Me: yeah
Me: how much could you pay me?
Me: if you want half an hour it's 150
Bitchface: like 50-75
Me: no, i can't work with that
Bitchface: jesus
Bitchface: so everytime u have sex its for money??
Me: no i have a boyfriend
Bitchface: and what does he say about this little business u have
Me: "little business," getting out the demeaning language now?
Me: are you angry?
Bitchface: no
Bitchface: what do u call it then
Me: just business
Me: it's not really very "little" ..what am i, a child with a lemonade stand?
Bitchface: so if u have so many customers then u could afford to cut me a deal
Me: ...but i don't WANT to
Bitchface: just one time
Me: nope
Me: i don't see what's in it for me
Me: sorry
Bitchface: 50-75 bucks plus pleasure
Me: i'm not interested, sorry
Bitchface: 50 for a blow job?
Me: umm no
Me: that's even more work for me
Me: and it's mildly insulting
Bitchface: ok
Bitchface: ok one more question, how u can have a b/f and be a hooker
Me: that's really none of your business to be asking that, actually
Bitchface signed off at 4:32:50 PM.

Argh! It makes me angry!!

hookerswithbruises: ugh
hookerswithbruises: tell him to fuck off what makes him different than anyone else you aren't doing this for fun
hookerswithbruises: fucking dumb ass
Me: i know
Me: it makes me mad
hookerswithbruises: for some reason it is making me mad too
hookerswithbruises: it might be the way he is talking
hookerswithbruises: like saying "you make a killing at this"
hookerswithbruises: fuck him she works hard for the money
Me: exactly!
hookerswithbruises: having fat forty year olds rub their penises on you
Me: i just don't see what's in it for me if i agree to it
Me: no, he's like 20 i think
hookerswithbruises: nothing
hookerswithbruises: well he is obviously not getting ass
hookerswithbruises: and it shouldn't be hard for a 20 year old
hookerswithbruises: if they aren't hideous
Me: i'm putting your commentary on my blog
Me: it just makes me so mad
Me: like what makes a blowjob so different?
Me: i'd rather have sex than give a blowjob
Me: so why would i charge less for a bj?

hookerswithbruises: i know
hookerswithbruises: that's lame
hookerswithbruises: if you can't afford it don't bother
hookerswithbruises: why did he contact you
Me: he wanted free random anonymous sex
Me: hot local amateurs just waiting to gobble your cock
hookerswithbruises: i hate this guy
Me: and swallow your load and beg for more!!!
Me: i do too
hookerswithbruises: that is your quote
Me: he's off the island
Me: no
Me: that's what guys see in porno advertisements
Me: that the girls are begging to suck cock and swallow cum
Me: it's such a crock
Me: and then they get mad when girls aren't actually the sluts and whores they've been led to believe they are
Me: girls who want to do nothing more than please men

Getting too personal

2005-03-01T00:45:00.000-08:00

with a potential client who enjoys IMing me daily to chat, but who recently divulged that he has no plans to visit me. He just likes talking to me. I quickly realized he was a waste of my time, as I really have no need for new online friends from upstate, and began to only respond in one-word replies before saying I had to go. He picked up on the fact that I was no longer interested (am I a cold heartless bitch? I don't really think I am. I'm just not really interested in being friends with this man. I don't have time to chat; I don't even really chat very long online with my real friends, other than to give situational updates and spill on new developments. He just IMs for idle chatter.) and he said he wasn't going to IM me anymore.

Today he IMs me again:
"I know I said, I wouldn;t IM u anymore, but for some reason, I care alot about you, and I want to see u happy.. I wish I could help you with that, but I have to get to know U 1st. I hope u understand.,... I do care 4 u... take care sweetie!- Jordan"

I'm going to ignore it for now. I can't deal with it. I also can't deal with all the u's instead of simply writing out "you." I believe this man is about 30 years old. He apparently works for the government somewhere upstate.
Once he asked me what I was doing, and I said truthfully, "Getting ready to see a client, so I gtg pretty soon." He tells me, "I wish you wouldn't do that."
Well buddy, you knew what I did before you met me and began talking to me, so what's with the sudden jealousy? No more of him, that's for sure. I can't deal with an obsessive client, not right now.

The boyfriend has been very attentive lately, but somewhat flaky. He'll text me lots and lots and then just cut out and stop texting. He calls about twice a day, which I quite like, but it's just so odd when he stops answering texts. If I don't answer texts, and I often don't check it, he starts texting "hello?" after 20 minutes. He is coming to visit on Friday, so we'll see if he doesn't get drunk and forget to come. I'll be drunk all day on Friday, so I guess it doesn't matter much either way.

Whore Pride

2005-02-28T04:43:00.000-08:00

Lusty Lady by Rachel Kramer Bussel:
Whore Pride - in The Village Voice

I enjoy reading articles like this, articles about other women who take pride in their work and enjoy providing a service that helps men. I tire of anti-prostitutionists who condemn all facets of sex work as exploitation and as degrading to women.

I'm writing a paper on the depressing yet thought-provoking short story "The Yellow Wallpaper" by Charlotte Gilman. It's due in 6 hours. I have one paragraph. Got to get moving!

Apologies from the goon

2005-02-27T22:29:00.000-08:00

So the guy who stood me up sent me an apologetic IM at 10:00am this morning.

"nnnoooooooo! holy shit, I'm so sorry. I did not mean to stand you up and I feel reeeeeally shitty about it. It never should have happened. I had to take one of my roomates to the hospital after he fell on a pile of broken glass. I saw the gushing blood and, well.... He looks like he took a shotgun to his side now...26 stitches. I need to make it up to you, I don't wish sitting and waiting in an ihop for 45 minutes on anyone, esp for an appt. I need to make it up to you if you'll let me. I'll talk to you later, I hope."

The story is so ridiculous, it almost sounds like a work of fiction. He further stated that they made his friend stay until the afternoon, when he picked him up in between shifts at work.

Stood Up

2005-02-27T16:48:00.000-08:00

Last night at around 4:30 am, I'm getting ready to go to bed when a client IMs me. He's someone who's been talking to me for like a month and still hasn't set something up. He's a student who lives on campus. He asks if I'm available, and I tell him I'm on the rag, and it's getting late, and he says he has to work at Olive Garden in the morning, but still would love to see me for an hour.
Avarice is going to kill me someday.
So I agree to meet him at the campus IHOP and IM him when I leave. I left at 5:25 am. I arrived at IHOP and waited until 6:20 am. I was stood up.
SUCH a waste of time!!! I should know better than to forget to ask for his phone number. ARGH

Warm cream

2005-02-27T15:38:00.000-08:00

"Wanna give you a ride on my massive monsterous cock!! What do you think. I will be staying in town there for a while working. Your hooker/John fantasy could best be filled by me b/c our company makes us stay in hotel rooms. I got my own. Wanna take ride i will give you some warm cream."
This actually makes me kind of sick.

hp_hardcore presents... Hardcore Valentines

2005-02-27T00:11:00.000-08:00

hp_hardcore presents...

hp_hardcore presents Hardcore Valentines! Click here to get your own!

Not today! Crap.

2005-02-26T23:36:00.000-08:00

Today I was with a client and I started bleeding. I was so embarrassed.
Everything else was going okay, we met, talked about school (he'd gone to my school a few years back), and went to a motel room. Everything was going well, underneath my clothes I wore a pink and black lace bra, a black lace garter holding up black thigh highs, and a pair of pink thong panties with black lace trim. He asks me to take it all off. The bra and panties, now that I can understand... but the garter, too?
Anyway things were going well.. until he pulled out to move into a position for greek style. I started to lube up when he asked, "Are you bleeding?"
I checked and I couldn't believe it. I'd gotten my period within the last hour and it was all over him. He went to shower off and came back soft. I apologized profusely and asked him what he wanted to do; he said he wanted to try greek again.
I lube up, he pushes in.. and pushes and pushes and I yelp and kick him back. Apparently he's never done it before and didn't really know how it happens. I was good to go again in 30 seconds, but he wasn't hard anymore.
This is really the only bad experience I've ever had working, I was just so embarrassed that I got my period during the session.
I'm off birth control for a little bit because of some mixup and apparently it can be a little screwed up and come at random times when you stop controlling it.

He was nice and just said that sometimes shit happens and things go wrong, and he didn't want any money back or anything like that. What a guy!

Like a magnet to iron shavings, so my loins reach for the men who email me erotic messages.

2005-02-26T19:57:00.000-08:00

So one of the ways I advertise is to find men who might not otherwise go seeking escorts by placing an ad on an adult personals site. The ad states something about a cute college girl who needs help paying tuition and is looking for a generous gentlemen for some wild, sexy fun.

Here are some of the enticing, alluring emails I receive from cocksure men who are over-confident about their own immediate attractiveness.

"hey, how are you? "
This verbose email is accompanied by a profile where the man has a tiny photo of some helmeted guy in a yellow kayak. There is another photo besides the main photo-- it is a tiny picture of his penis surrounded in dark pubic hair and a tan, hard lower torso with jeans right below the balls.
I deleted the message without reply.

"Hi, why dont you look u pmy profile and then let me know if youd like to explore this further."
This riveting email is accompanied by a 31-year-old skinny man with a super-hot brown mustache and goatee. He has a disgusted expression on his face and no shirt on. He has hair on his chest and his stomach. I turn my face away and click delete by peeking through the fingers covering my eyes.

"hey get back with me and maybe we could get together sometime soon."
Oh, of course. I am so attracted that I will email you and we will hook up for some brief sex based on the fact that you emailed me.

Now, these are guys who clearly don't get that I am a call girl. Either they didn't read my profile or they're just playing the numbers game. More than half the men on there understand what I'm looking for, and I receive more business from this site than from any other. I just find it amusing that if I were a real "hot amateur looking for wild anonymous local sex," I would hit delete through all these goofballs. I do get the occasional man with a well-thought-out email based on my photo and not on my profile, and thus doesn't get that I am a call girl, but he is usually so nice that I feel bad telling him otherwise. Guys just can't get a break anymore, can they?

Venereal Disease

2005-02-26T08:05:00.000-08:00

Email conversation with client:
Him: Do you have a pic? what does it cost for a great time?
Me:Hi! I attached a few photos, but I don't have any really racy ones. :) I ask $240 for a full service GFE, but not BBBJ. I am not available for incall, sorry! Hope to hear from you!
Him: Wish you were not set on no BBBJ. That's not any fun!
Me: Neither are venereal diseases.

I had an Asian client the other week want the same thing. He asks me to go down, so I went for a condom, and he was like "oh.. um, you know.. uh" I'm like "uh.. what" "can't you do it without a condom, i mean, come on, uh, you don't need that"
Oh silly clients, you want me to put my mouth on you without a barrier? I set the condom down and calmly re-explained the rules. "Yes, I know the rules, but uh.. um.. can't you make an exception?"

Bah.